As I approach 40…

I get braces.

Yes.

Braces.

After much debate over the last 12 months, I’ve made the decision that I need to try to keep my own teeth and if I don’t wear these things I’ll lose them.

So, for an enormous fee, I get to have the most uncomfortable devices fitted to my teeth. I deliberately avoided reading or researching the comfort factor – because, had I known, I wouldn’t ever have gone through with it. I would now be going down the road to dentures. Or would I?

So, for one week so far, I’ve survived on smoothies, soups, porridge and risotto with the occasional pasta dish thrown in (but gone are my favourite al dente dishes). Gone are my apples, pears, carrots, broccoli, cauliflower, sugar snaps and peppers (all raw). In favour of mashed banana, chopped up grapes and oranges (peeled and pith removed). Oh how the mighty have fallen. I can’t even have my muesli bar before the gym – they are all too chewy or too crunchy.

If it’s not the pain/ache from chewing with braces that’s a problem, it’s the amazing cuts that are caused by the wires and brackets. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch.

So for the next 17 – 23 months, I’ll be living on nothing that I really enjoy. I can have cooked veg (bleurgh), can’t have steaks (can’t chew), and I can’t do my fruit salads.

I have totted up my calories and I’m averaging 600-700 a day. No wonder I’m losing weight. The worst bit is I’m not eating enough calories to sustain my usual workout, so I’ve not been to the gym.

Ah the joys of being vain. Actually, is what I’m doing vain? Trying to retain my teeth?

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