As I approach 40…

I get braces.

Yes.

Braces.

After much debate over the last 12 months, I’ve made the decision that I need to try to keep my own teeth and if I don’t wear these things I’ll lose them.

So, for an enormous fee, I get to have the most uncomfortable devices fitted to my teeth. I deliberately avoided reading or researching the comfort factor – because, had I known, I wouldn’t ever have gone through with it. I would now be going down the road to dentures. Or would I?

So, for one week so far, I’ve survived on smoothies, soups, porridge and risotto with the occasional pasta dish thrown in (but gone are my favourite al dente dishes). Gone are my apples, pears, carrots, broccoli, cauliflower, sugar snaps and peppers (all raw). In favour of mashed banana, chopped up grapes and oranges (peeled and pith removed). Oh how the mighty have fallen. I can’t even have my muesli bar before the gym – they are all too chewy or too crunchy.

If it’s not the pain/ache from chewing with braces that’s a problem, it’s the amazing cuts that are caused by the wires and brackets. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch.

So for the next 17 – 23 months, I’ll be living on nothing that I really enjoy. I can have cooked veg (bleurgh), can’t have steaks (can’t chew), and I can’t do my fruit salads.

I have totted up my calories and I’m averaging 600-700 a day. No wonder I’m losing weight. The worst bit is I’m not eating enough calories to sustain my usual workout, so I’ve not been to the gym.

Ah the joys of being vain. Actually, is what I’m doing vain? Trying to retain my teeth?

Let me focus your mind…

Like every office environment, there are challenges with each and every day. Since the beginning of the year my office has had its fair share of issues to deal with. Nothing insurmountable. Some funnier than annoying. And then there’s the odd one that just infuriates, until you see the the funny side.

Since Christmas my boss has been sick. I’m now in the ‘firing line’ according to the CMO – not a phrase I’m particularly fond of – managing my team and doing some of the boss’s work too. Earlier this week I got an email from a salesman – a particularly arrogant one at that. The email wasn’t a request, it was a demand for my attention. It just so happened that I was in meetings for two days solid and did not respond other than to say I would have someone from my team call him.

He left me a snotty voicemail.

He sent a snotty email to the team member who I’d asked to follow up with him. Then, I got the idiot on the phone. I was pleasant, though short with him. His arrogance did not stop. At one point during the phone call (after I got the details I needed) he said ‘Let me focus your mind for you, I’m negotiating a £2m deal with xxxx customer and working on my request is the most  important thing you will do this week’. My response was simple –  ‘right’ and then I hit the end call button.

What a complete idiot. Why do salesmen have this inflated view of themselves?

I’ll see his salesman tag and raise him a ‘head of dept’. (er, yes, that’s me, but he doesn’t know it yet).

I later had a chat with someone else in the company about this man’s attitude and was told about an incident which would ‘focus your mind further’. His girlfriend was removed from the hotel pool area at president’s club last year – because she was drunk, and pole dancing infront of the entire company, their wives and children. And the next night, the same woman was doing handstands in a satin gown, which of course fell down to reveal her lingerie…

Karma.

Two weeks in…failed already

We’re two weeks into the New Year and I’ve failed with my plan to change things. Pah! I decided no new year’s resolutions, but a plan. The only thing I ‘planned’ was to make sure I catch up with one friend I haven’t seen for a while, and that I do so at least once every two weeks.

So, at the beginning of the year a date was set to meet with my good friend C. after work one Thursday evening and then to meet an old Weight Watchers buddy for lunch the week after…so achieving my two planned ‘dates’ in one month. Good plan?

Well, let me tell you, smug as I was to be organised (and a little bit more than happy to be seeing friends again), 15cm of snow stopped me in my tracks. Well, that and a stinking cold followed by a stinking throat infection. Bam. First two weeks of January gone.

I didn’t get the car out for 10 days. A two seater sports car with rear wheel drive when you live at the top of a hill is not ideal. Mind you, I didn’t leave the house for 10 days because I was ill. So, not the best start to my plans.

I did manage to catch up with my Weight Watcher’s friend yesterday for lunch. Yay!

It had been a while, so meeting her and catch up was lovely. The food was fantastic, though I didn’t eat much of it. I’m in the first weeks of orthodontic treatment and it’s painful to eat. Apparently that’s normal, but, I wasn’t actually expecting to lose my love of food. Food is no longer a pleasure. And for someone that used to weigh 63lb more than I do now, that’s a really tough thing to say. But, I can see me living on smoothies and porridge until the pain subsides.

So, if I invite you out to catch up and I suggest Starbucks for lunch, please don’t be offended. It’s to do with the fact that Starbucks now serves porridge all day…