Old friends

Over the weekend I met up with an old friend, someone I’d not seen for 18 months (give or take a couple of months). This particular friend has been in my life for over 10 years and is a pretty special person. He’s been gone for a while, because of a new relationship, and as we know, relationships can change the dynamics of friendships. Controlling partners are common place in relationships – but, we ask ourselves whether it’s our own fault for letting them control us.

What makes us blind to the control? What renders us incapable of seeing what’s happening?

Years ago, I had a relationship that threatened to change all my close friendships, but after seeing first hand how controlling the other party was, I saw through the fog and (for many other reasons, not just this one) ended the relationship. It has taken me a number of years to rebuild those friendships. Some have never recovered. Some teeter along, balancing a fine line.

At the time, I didn’t see how it looked. I didn’t see the effect on the friendships. In the beginning, I passed if off as being ‘new people’ to get used to, but it never really changed. Why do we let it happen?

The good thing is as we come out of the other side of these affairs, is that we build strong and better friendships with our true friends. Those relationships that don’t survive clearly aren’t worth it.


We put it on our CVs. We talk about being flexible all the time. And, we insist that we’ll manage change as it happens. But what does it actually mean?

At what point do we accept that change is normal? That there is no stability? Do we expect too much?

When, as an employee, is it right to question the constant change, and what are the risks in doing so?

I don’t have the answers. I just see what happens when people say no, or when they offer up a different opinion.

In an environment where flexible and adaptable to change are standard contract terms, it’s not surprising to learn that there’s another restructure on the cards.

I, like those working for me, wait in the wings asking ‘What does this mean for me’.