The ticking clock

Most of you that know me know that I’m not a mum, that I would have liked to be a mum and that it’s not really going to happen (for many reasons, too many to explain here). 

Years ago, I was adamant I didn’t want to be a mum – for all the reasons you’ve heard me spout, but when I was told that it was unlikely I would ever get pregnant, I started hearing a ticking clock. For a long time after that appointment at the hospital, I couldn’t bear to think I would never be a mum, so much so it nearly drove me mad. Then, other things happened and I just got on with life (as you do!).

Recently, the clock has started ticking again. I don’t know whether it’s the impending milestone birthday (yes, I know it’s many months away), or whether most of my friends now have babies & small children, or whether it’s just nature rearing her head…I really have no idea. I just know that it’s difficult to listen to. It’s getting more difficult.

At what point do you become too old to be a parent? Will I accept that I’m not a mum, or that I don’t have my own family? Am I just too damn selfish to do anything about it? I wonder if there are other people out there in similar situations and how they reconcile the arguments?

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