As I approach 40…

I get braces.

Yes.

Braces.

After much debate over the last 12 months, I’ve made the decision that I need to try to keep my own teeth and if I don’t wear these things I’ll lose them.

So, for an enormous fee, I get to have the most uncomfortable devices fitted to my teeth. I deliberately avoided reading or researching the comfort factor – because, had I known, I wouldn’t ever have gone through with it. I would now be going down the road to dentures. Or would I?

So, for one week so far, I’ve survived on smoothies, soups, porridge and risotto with the occasional pasta dish thrown in (but gone are my favourite al dente dishes). Gone are my apples, pears, carrots, broccoli, cauliflower, sugar snaps and peppers (all raw). In favour of mashed banana, chopped up grapes and oranges (peeled and pith removed). Oh how the mighty have fallen. I can’t even have my muesli bar before the gym – they are all too chewy or too crunchy.

If it’s not the pain/ache from chewing with braces that’s a problem, it’s the amazing cuts that are caused by the wires and brackets. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch.

So for the next 17 – 23 months, I’ll be living on nothing that I really enjoy. I can have cooked veg (bleurgh), can’t have steaks (can’t chew), and I can’t do my fruit salads.

I have totted up my calories and I’m averaging 600-700 a day. No wonder I’m losing weight. The worst bit is I’m not eating enough calories to sustain my usual workout, so I’ve not been to the gym.

Ah the joys of being vain. Actually, is what I’m doing vain? Trying to retain my teeth?

Let me focus your mind…

Like every office environment, there are challenges with each and every day. Since the beginning of the year my office has had its fair share of issues to deal with. Nothing insurmountable. Some funnier than annoying. And then there’s the odd one that just infuriates, until you see the the funny side.

Since Christmas my boss has been sick. I’m now in the ‘firing line’ according to the CMO – not a phrase I’m particularly fond of – managing my team and doing some of the boss’s work too. Earlier this week I got an email from a salesman – a particularly arrogant one at that. The email wasn’t a request, it was a demand for my attention. It just so happened that I was in meetings for two days solid and did not respond other than to say I would have someone from my team call him.

He left me a snotty voicemail.

He sent a snotty email to the team member who I’d asked to follow up with him. Then, I got the idiot on the phone. I was pleasant, though short with him. His arrogance did not stop. At one point during the phone call (after I got the details I needed) he said ‘Let me focus your mind for you, I’m negotiating a £2m deal with xxxx customer and working on my request is the most  important thing you will do this week’. My response was simple –  ’right’ and then I hit the end call button.

What a complete idiot. Why do salesmen have this inflated view of themselves?

I’ll see his salesman tag and raise him a ‘head of dept’. (er, yes, that’s me, but he doesn’t know it yet).

I later had a chat with someone else in the company about this man’s attitude and was told about an incident which would ‘focus your mind further’. His girlfriend was removed from the hotel pool area at president’s club last year – because she was drunk, and pole dancing infront of the entire company, their wives and children. And the next night, the same woman was doing handstands in a satin gown, which of course fell down to reveal her lingerie…

Karma.

Two weeks in…failed already

We’re two weeks into the New Year and I’ve failed with my plan to change things. Pah! I decided no new year’s resolutions, but a plan. The only thing I ‘planned’ was to make sure I catch up with one friend I haven’t seen for a while, and that I do so at least once every two weeks.

So, at the beginning of the year a date was set to meet with my good friend C. after work one Thursday evening and then to meet an old Weight Watchers buddy for lunch the week after…so achieving my two planned ‘dates’ in one month. Good plan?

Well, let me tell you, smug as I was to be organised (and a little bit more than happy to be seeing friends again), 15cm of snow stopped me in my tracks. Well, that and a stinking cold followed by a stinking throat infection. Bam. First two weeks of January gone.

I didn’t get the car out for 10 days. A two seater sports car with rear wheel drive when you live at the top of a hill is not ideal. Mind you, I didn’t leave the house for 10 days because I was ill. So, not the best start to my plans.

I did manage to catch up with my Weight Watcher’s friend yesterday for lunch. Yay!

It had been a while, so meeting her and catch up was lovely. The food was fantastic, though I didn’t eat much of it. I’m in the first weeks of orthodontic treatment and it’s painful to eat. Apparently that’s normal, but, I wasn’t actually expecting to lose my love of food. Food is no longer a pleasure. And for someone that used to weigh 63lb more than I do now, that’s a really tough thing to say. But, I can see me living on smoothies and porridge until the pain subsides.

So, if I invite you out to catch up and I suggest Starbucks for lunch, please don’t be offended. It’s to do with the fact that Starbucks now serves porridge all day…

On reaching the end of the decade

10 years ago, life was very different for me. I remember where I was and who I was with. 10 years ago, it was the ‘millennium’ party. I was in the lake district with old friends, and one ‘new’ friend – my then boyfriend.

We were staying in ‘log cabins’ – well, that’s what they were advertised as – actually caravans with pine cladding on the outside – yes, the outside. That group of friends rarely see each other now. Some of the group live in faraway places. My ‘then’ boyfriend lives not too far from here (but we’re not in touch). One couple are no more – one half is now married and has a beautiful little daughter (one of my god-daughters), the other half…sadly moved away. Another couple went from one child to two – and today, as you would imagine, the children are growing  up rapidly – it’s quite scary! And one person is also now a Daddy and has two beautiful daughters. I don’t get to see as much of him, his two daughters or his lovely wife as I would like – they live in a faraway place.

The millennium party for me was about friends. It was about having a great time with people you’re comfortable with. About playing silly games, as was our tradition – anyone remember Therapy? Or Friends? what about Buffy?

Champagne corks were popped on the balcony outside – and many photos of very drunk people were taken. We even went first footing. Our cabin neighbours, very English, had no experience with the Scottish tradition – but I doubt they’ll forget S’s whisky, the black bun, or the first foot experience at the start of the new millennium.

New Year’s day saw G & I cooking the roast turkey with all the trimmings – drinking champagne and playing games. It was the last New Year’s meal that I cooked with G and for those friends. I don’t think we realised that at the time.

Tomorrow, I will be with other friends, but I’ll think of my faraway friends as we enter the new decade. G (& D), S & J, and R.

Guys, have a fantastic Hogmanay party.

Tomorrow, we’ll all make new memories, have things to remember for the next decade. I, for one,will look back at this decade and smile.

Some of the more poignant memories of the decade include:

• IA
• Gran
• Ardchroskie and with it Mum & Dad
• Zodi, Neo & Trinity
• Twitter
• Facebook
• Cyprus
• Seattle
• Dominican Republic
• G, D, L & B
• KG & AG
• Contracts lost and won
• Redundancy
• New homes x 3
• New cars x 3
• My sister
• DVDs & DVD recorders
• My first iPod (and the other four I now have)
• Broadband
• 9/11
• Breast cancer
• Byte Night
• Golf
• S, C, L & C wherever they are
• Being a step mum

Christmas approaches

It’s that time of year when we’re all checking our lists, to make sure we’re covered. Christmas songs play in all the shops, cars and houses. And people talk about looking forward to the break. We’ve even got snow. I don’t remember a time in my 15 years living in England that we’ve had snow the week before Christmas. It’s just bizarre.

As always at this time of year thoughts turn to friends, old and new: what’s changed, who is missing (from the Christmas card list) and why haven’t I managed to catch up with more of them. It’s always interesting to see the Christmas cards arriving – reading the news, or lack of it, and noting the words used.

I have to admit I’m struggling. Struggling with many things, but one in particular. So, if you didn’t get a card, or it arrives after Christmas, please know that I didn’t forget you. I’m just being rubbish.

My parents arrive here on Tuesday – I’m looking forward to seeing them, to catching up, to spending some time with them, BF’s parents too, and of course the boys.

If I don’t blog for a while, it’s because I’m still struggling. Bear with me. I’ll be back.

Recession bites

My company is actually doing quite well during the recession. The sales guys still bleat on about pipeline, leads and not getting enough from marketing, but we know the drill with all sales people, don’t we??

“Pick up the phone? Who? Me? I don’t do follow ups.” (they’re all the same wherever you go).

Our half year results got the financial analysts excited – our share price has rocketed and the CFO is talking positive numbers all the time – externally. To the outside world, it’s  positive result for a British company during the “worst recession” in 60 years…inside the company however, it’s not all rosy.

170 people are at risk of redundancy (or have already gone depending on where in the world they are located). All social functions have been cancelled. And there’s a sense of unease across the entire company.

The decisions and selection criteria for those at risk are not yet final. Consultation is still in progress. I watch and wait as I see good people go through this process – hopeful they will get a stay of execution based on their performance and feedback from others. At the same time, I hope that the non-productive, obstructive, rude and aggressive people will go. Some of the selections to date make no sense.

One of the things it has highlighted is that no matter how senior you are, how hard you work, how much of your personal time you devote to work (that’s over and above your contracted time), when cuts are to be made, you’re just a number. And, it’s a numbers game.

So, tomorrow when you think to yourself ‘I’ll just finish this document/project/report’ and it means you don’t get out at a reasonable time – remember that’s time you can’t claim back and the more ‘overtime’ you put in (and don ‘t get paid for) the more you devalue your skills and abilities. You will never get that time back. So go home, see your kids, play golf, go to the gym or just relax with your loved ones.

It’s a numbers game, and you are a number. Sadly.

Nil by mouth

I am sitting in my hospital bed having had a minor operation late yesterday. I was ‘nil by mouth’ for most of yesterday. Apart from a rumbling tummy, it wasn’t so bad. I knew where and when I would next have a meal.

After the procedure I wasn’t hungry even though I was remarkably awake. I came around in recovery and didn’t fall asleep again. In fact I had a long conversation about nutrition and redundancies with the anaesthetist.

I have had an ok night, and just had porridge for breakfast, so I can’t complain. I only met my consultant three weeks ago. I didn’t have to wAit for surgery. I just called the insurance company and booked in. my mum has been waiting for surgery for 7 months now give or take a couple of months. Mum has always worked hard – paid her contributions, but she waits. It is not right that she has had to wait so long. My Christmas present to my parents, if it is possible, will be private health cover. Though I am sure my father will object, on principle.

Despite this, I would not have needed a private consulation had I been living in my home town in Scotland. The family doctor there would have taken the time to listen, examine me, do tests and then offer a diagnosis rather than
giving me drugs. The drugs, according to my consultant would have simply caused other issues.

Time to change GP?

Of my gran

My gran has played a big role in my life. She is a fantastic person, with so much to give, asking very little in return. While I don’t get to see her very much these days – I think of her often. My memories of childhood would be incomplete without her. The items below are from recollections of gran…

Fairy cakes and choclate dipped buns,
Camp coffee with whipped cream
Quality Streets
Scrabble
Cribbage
Queenie for pennies
Patience – so many varieties
Steak and kidney pie
Drinking gravy from a jug from Brid
Werthers
Licorice Allsorts
Pinnies
Yorkshire puddings by the truck load
Proper custard
Sherry trifle
Fish in milk

And so many more things. Today she isn’t well. I hate to say goodbye.

As usual, she manages to make me smile when I say “be good” she replies “and if I can’t, I will be careful”.

Consultant visit

Today I met a new consultant about a long-standing health issue. Unlike my GP (all three GPs from the surgery in the village), the consultant examined me, went through my medical history with a fine tooth comb and listened when I told him of the side-effects I experience with the drugs prescribed by my GP. Immediately, he offered other alternatives and didn’t try to convince me to go down the drugs route.

The end result is surgery. No, don’t frown. It’s not unexpected. In fact, I kind of thought it would be the option he proposed. I’m not worried by it, in fact, last time I had surgery ‘things’ were a lot easier and more acceptible to live with for quite a while.

The thing that made me frown was around the subject of conception. Babies. Specifically – me having children. Apparently, it is still an option – despite being told years ago that the window for me was a narrow window (and would have closed years ago).

Dazed, confused, shocked, stunned, emotional and numb.

Where to now?

Help! My computer is broken

That’s how my conversations with Mum often start. This week is no exception.

Mum has an old laptop of mine, which had been set up for ‘minimum fuss usage’ – i.e. switch on, hit dial, download email, then disconnect. Nothing complicated. No fuss. Sunday she called (left a message) to tell me she’s getting error 756 every time she hits dial.

Today, she told me that when she get’s the ‘dial box’ it doesn’t go away, so she keeps clicking it and then gets error 756. Bless.

I don’t know what’s happened, but I’m supposed to fix it, so just one dial box appears for her. I can’t do the remote PC support thing, because she’s on dial up – there’s still no broadband in the glen. But, I’m supposed to ‘cure’ the problem by magic.

Error 756 this week. Next week, it will be something different. I’d never paid attention to the error codes, but Mum does. It’s not always a good thing, but this week was kind of funny.